DAPPER SLAPPER ZAPPER

Never seen a man so dapper
(Like Barry Mannilow mixed
With Fred Astaire)

Yet the first team boys call
Me slapper (Like Ziggy Stardust
With bats in her hair)

BZZZ-ATCHOOOO

I'll give you a rose
To pin on your nose
So the bees all go
Up those hairy holes

NAMING YOUR ROMANTIC NOVEL

Mud-cake fights,
Buttery nights...
Withering tights?...
Erm
...Wuthering heights!

FUNNY FUNKY?

Sane as a drop
Of water on a
Pane of petrified
Glass

Ecstatic as a
Leap of electric
Arcing between
Nodes on a grid

Funny and funky
As a baby burping
Up its favourite
flavour of
Mushed grub

Hush-a-bye
Wind talks to me in tongues;

Serious and
Weighty as a rock
In Stonehenge